Episode #135 – Losing an Ex-spouse, and Other Disenfranchised Grief


valerie martellHave you ever experienced mourning that you couldn’t discuss? Have you ever had someone close to you die, but found that their death wasn’t acknowledged by those around you? Disenfranchised grief is not just about losing someone, as Valerie explains in this episode.

Sometimes when you confide in another about your grief, they interject with a personal tale that seems to be an attempt to one-up your experience. Have you ever had this happen?

If you want to know more about disenfranchised grief, then listen to this episode of Forever in their Hearts, where host Erik Reynolds talks with Valerie Martell, Director of Operations for Martin Brothers Funeral Services who defines the term and offers suggestions for coping with it.

Disenfranchised grief is just as important as any other type of grief. This episode is your chance to learn more about this type of grief and how to deal with it if you experience it.

What Is Disenfranchised Grief?

The episode begins with Valerie defining the phrase “disenfranchised grief”.

Valerie explains what it is in plain terms and offers an example to help you understand how this type of grief differs from traditional forms of mourning over a loved one lost.

Disenfranchised grief is perfectly normal and happens quite frequently. Based on Valerie’s definition, have you ever experienced this type of grief?

Is It Okay to Grieve for Someone Who Isn’t in My Life Anymore?

Next Valerie discusses grieving people who aren’t a part of our daily lives. She also provides the answers to questions such as:

  • Is it okay to grieve an ex-spouse who isn’t in my life anymore?
  • What are some benefits of grieving someone who isn’t in my life?
  • Is there ever a time when it’s wrong to grieve the loss of someone?

Now ask yourself these two things: Have I ever grieved the loss of someone who is no longer a part of my daily life? Have I ever avoided grieving someone because I wasn’t sure it was okay? If you answered “Yes” to either or both of these questions, then this podcast may help.

What Can I Tell Friends about Disenfranchised Grief?

Then Valerie explains what you can tell the people around you if you think you’ll be met with criticism for grieving someone who left your life, regardless of the circumstances.

When there’s someone in your life that you lose, people know that you’re grieving and show support. When you lose someone who isn’t in your daily life, people may react in a different way.

Valerie expresses that it’s important to talk to someone when you experience grief of any kind.

Wrapping things up, Valerie shares the one thing she wants you to remember about getting resolution for your disenfranchised grief.

Do I Want to Know How to Deal with this Kind of Grief?

Are you ready to learn more about disenfranchised grief? Could you use help in having your grief validated? After you listen to the podcast, ask your questions and share your experiences in the comments, where we can talk through them together.

Martin Brothers Funeral Services has more than 100 years of experience in providing thoughtful, dedicated services to families dealing with loss. If you are ready to take care of funeral pre-arrangements, have additional questions about their services, or are dealing with a loss, please contact them at their Vancouver office.

Martin Brothers Funeral Services

Vancouver: Funeral Services Centre
3398 Dunbar Street
Vancouver, BC Canada V6S 2C1

Telephone Number: 778.330.7799
Toll Free Number: 1.800.382.2901
Fax Number: 778.330.7633



Martin Brothers Funeral Services provides caring, dedicated and thoughtful service to families dealing with the loss of a loved one. We have four generations of funeral services experience and are here to guide you through all of the details, large and small, and always take the time to understand what is important to you and your family in your time of need. We have over 100 years of experience in funeral services and we are a funeral home in Vancouver who gives you affordable funeral services, funeral pre planning, cremation and burial services. We will make sure all of yours and your family's needs are met, and will be a guide in your time of need to ensure that your loved one lost is treated with the dignity and respect they deserve. Martin Brothers is here in your time of need, call today.

Copyright 2018 Martin Brothers Funeral Services - The Caring Group. All Rights Reserved